Terlibat dalam gerakan skinhead neo-nazi, ia tumbuh sebagai seorang rasis yang anti-Islam, anti-Muslim. Gairahnya untuk membaca akhirnya mengantarkan dirinya pada bacaan-bacaan tentang Islam dan Muslim, dan akhirnya pada Islam, ia membalik arah hidupnya dari seorang yang tadinya sama sekali tidak percaya Tuhan menjadi penyembah Allah semata. | |
 | "Saya mulai melihat semuanya dengan lebih berhati-hati, kebohongan-kebohongan yang saya lakukan dalam hidup atas dasar kerapuhan. Perlahan-lahan saya melihat semua kebenaran yang terurai dalam hidup saya. Itulah titik di mana saya mulai mempertanyakan segala sesuatu dalam hidup saya, termasuk keyakinan agama yang selama ini saya anut. Saya berdiri pada titik dimana saya harus mengevaluasi ulang dan mencermati segala sesuatunya... dalam Islam, dan nilai-nilai yang ditawarkan, Saya melihat jawaban atas semua persoalan dan segenap pertanyaan, termasuk masa depan manusia." |
| Marc Springer | |
Perjalanan saya menuju Islam, tampaknya, tidak seperti pada umumnya orang. Tidak seperti sebagian terbesar orang kulit putih yang pernah saya temui, yang pindah agama menuju Islam, datang dari latar belakang liberal dan berpikiran terbuka. Saya dididik dan dibesarkan jauh dari situasi semacam itu. Kedua orang tua saya adalah personil militer AS dan saya dibesarkan dengan cara yang sangat keras. Ayah saya sangat rasis, dan oleh sebab itu, saya menjadi sangat rasis sampai usia 24 tahun. Saya masih ingat saat menjadi seorang anak kecil mendengar ayah sangat benci dan menyerang orang Arab dan Muslim serta agama mereka, cara hidup mereka, dan ras mereka. Dengan didikan semacam ini saya dibesarkan dan dengan cara seperti ini pula saya hidup dan bersikap.
Saya tumbuh sebagai anak yang penuh dengan masalah, sebagaimana telah saya sebutkan di atas, itu hanyalah permulaan. Ayah seorang alkoholik dan seorang pria pemarah, sering menganiaya kami secara fisik. Saya tumbuh dalam ketakutan secara terus menerus menghadapi kekerasan terhadap diri sendiri, ibu, dan saudara-saudara laki-laki maupun perempuan saya. Datang dari latar belakang seperti ini membuat saya secara alamiah mencari kelompok orang-orang yang mungkin bisa menggantikan kehidupan keluarga saya, yang tidak saya dapatkan di rumah. Persoalannya adalah, orang-orang yang saya temui dan yang saya jadikan sekutu malah membuat situasi semakin buruk dan lebih buruk lagi.
Selama beberapa tahun saya terlibat berat dengan gerakan yang sangat rasis, yakni skinhead movement. Seperti tak ada yang lain lagi dalam hidup saya, saya tidak sekedar menjadi pengikut, tapi bahkan saya sangat menikmati menjadi pimpinan mereka, dan keterlibatan saya dengan gerakan neo-nazi skinhead juga karena alasan yang sama. Saya sangat terkenal dan ditakuti di seluruh kota di mana saya tumbuh besar. Kerinduan saya pada keluarga dan teman-teman, bagaimanapun juga, tidak pernah mematikan benih-benih dalam hati bahwa apa yang saya lakukan adalah salah, tidak adil. Saya ingat seorang teman sekolah saya sekelas yang orang Meksiko pernah bertanya pada saya saat umur saya 16 tahun "kenapa kamu menghabiskan waktu dengan pecundang, kamu lebih baik dari itu." Dia benar, tapi saya mengira itu adalah bagian dari diri saya, meskipun saya membenci ayah saya terhadap apa yang dia lakukan terhadap keluarga, saya ingin seperti dia. Dari situlah rasisme dan kebencian itu berasal.
Situasi di rumah menjadi bertambah buruk bagi saya sehingga saya terpaksa harus pindah ke luar dari kota asal saya. Saya berpikir mulai dari momen inilah kiranya , fase-fase hidup saya yang tidak karuan mulai tertutup, untuk kemudian menjadi seorang Muslim-- hidup jauh dari ayah dan segenap kebencian yang ia rasakan, untuk membentuk masa depan saya sendiri.
Beberapa tahun kemudian saya mengalami kehidupan yang sangat keras dan terus berlanjut selama beberapa tahun di jalan itu, seperti ketika awal-awal dulu. Saya minum-minuman keras, menggunakan obat-obatan terlarang dan tersangkut dengan persoalan hukum yang sangat serius. Sementara itu, semua orang yang telah saya anggap sebagai pengganti keluarga saya, ternyata malah lebih buruk, penuh dengan kekerasan, tidak jujur dan tidak dapat dipercaya.
Situasi di rumah menjadi bertambah buruk bagi saya sehingga saya terpaksa harus pindah ke luar dari kota asal saya. Saya berpikir mulai dari momen inilah kiranya , fase-fase hidup saya yang tidak karuan mulai tertutup, untuk kemudian menjadi seorang Muslim-- hidup jauh dari ayah dan segenap kebencian yang ia rasakan, untuk membentuk masa depan saya sendiri.
Beberapa tahun kemudian saya mengalami kehidupan yang sangat keras dan terus berlanjut selama beberapa tahun di jalan itu, seperti ketika awal-awal dulu. Saya minum-minuman keras, menggunakan obat-obatan terlarang dan tersangkut dengan persoalan hukum yang sangat serius. Sementara itu, semua orang yang telah saya anggap sebagai pengganti keluarga saya, ternyata malah lebih buruk, penuh dengan kekerasan, tidak jujur dan tidak dapat dipercaya.
Saya pergi meninggalkan AS, negara tempat saya tumbuh besar, saat berusia 23 tahun dan untuk pertama kalinya dalam hidup, saya bisa mengalami kehidupan tanpa bayang-bayang sosok ayah tempat saya bergantung dan jauh dari pengaruh buruk dari teman-teman saya. Saya mulai melihat semuanya dengan lebih berhati-hati, kebohongan-kebohongan yang saya lakukan dalam hidup atas dasar kerapuhan. Perlahan-lahan saya melihat semua kebenaran yang terurai dalam hidup saya. Itulah titik di mana saya mulai mempertanyakan segala sesuatu dalam hidup saya, termasuk keyakinan agama yang selama ini saya anut. Saya berdiri pada titik dimana saya harus mengevaluasi ulang dan melihat segala sesuatu lebih cermat.
"Gairah yang saya miliki - membaca - telah mengarahkan saya untuk mengkoleksi buku-buku dalam sebuah perpustakaan kecil yang sekarang telah mencapai ribuan volume, apapun mulai dari pemikiran filsafat Kant, Rene Descarte, hingga Ramadan dan Edward Said."
Saya punya teman seorang gadis yang belakangan saya nikahi. Ia juga aktif dalam gerakan rasis skinhead tempat saya melibatkan diri dan selalu ada kekhawatiran bahwa saya menyinggung dirinya manakala ide dan pemikiran baru saya ungkapkan. Saya seorang yang suka membaca, dan terus dalam dua tahun berikutnya ingin mendapatkan apapun di tangan saya bahan bacaan. Gairah yang saya miliki -- membaca-- telah mengarahkan saya untuk mengkoleksi buku-buku dalam perpustakaan kecil yang sekarang ini telah mencapai ribuan volume, apapun mulai dari filsafat Imannuel Kant, Rene Descartes hingga Ramadan dan Edward Said.
Selama waktu itu Intifada sedang berkecamuk di Palestina. Ayah saya, seorang yang rasis dan anti-Semit sekalipun, mendukung berdirinya negara Yahudi. Saya tahu ia benci Yahudi, dan sama bencinya dengan orang-orang non kulit putih, tetapi Ia lebih benci lagi pada orang Arab melebihi kebenciannya pada Yahudi, jadi itu sebabnya ia mendukung Israel. Sebagai akibat dari evaluasi ulang atas apapun yang saya pikirkan ketika usia saya masih belasan tahun, saya memutuskan untuk melihat secara lebih dekat perjuangan mempertahankan hidup di Timur Tengah.
Saya mulai membaca buku-buku umum tentang sejarah dan politik Timur Tengah serta negara-negara di wilayah itu. Lagi dan lagi saya mengalami masalah dalam memahami sejarah maupun politik di wilayah itu karena saya tidak pernah punya pengetahuan yang cukup tentang Islam. Sebagai seorang anak yang menghadiri gereja dari waktu ke waktu, namun tak pernah benar-benar berdiri di atas pijakan agama tertentu. Ayah saya telah membenci Islam, jadi sebagai seorang anak berusia belasan tahun ketika itu saya ikut-ikutan membenci agama ini tanpa pernah tahu mengapa dan apa itu Islam sesungguhnya atau apa yang kaum Muslim yakini. Saya membenci Muslim padahal belum pernah berjumpa dengan seorang pun dari mereka seumur hidup.
Jadi saya mulai melihat lebih dalam tentang Islam, sejarah dan keyakinan-keyakinan serta ajaran-ajarannya. This was when the internet was gaining in popularity so I used both paper texts and sources from the internet to help me gain an understanding on the basics of Islam and its history. At this time I was living in Washington state and was not aware of a Muslim community there, so there was really no one I knew with whom I could talk to. Shortly after this my wife's job transferred her to England so this was all about to change.
When I got to England my interests strayed for awhile. I was in a new country with a long and rich history, so I spent a few years exploring this history and traveling all over Europe. But from time to time events would draw my attention back to the Middle East and the politics there. I was now in a country with a long standing and well established Muslim community, although the town I lived in didn't have any such community. I began now to read in earnest about Islamic beliefs, ideology, and history. I also started reading The Qur'an.
From the very beginning some things struck a chord with me and answered doubts I had always had concering the religion I was raised in. I had always taken issue with the idea that God would ever have offspring. From my reading I recognized this belief as one pulled from pagan sources. Zeus, Odin, and numerous other pagan gods all had children. In the case of Odin, his followers even believed he hung on a tree, much like Christians believe that Jesus (PBUH) hung on a cross. Odinists, the name given to the followers of this ancient Northern European religion, also believed in a trinity of sorts formed by Odin, his son Thor, and his consort Freja. It was clear this innovation of the Christians did not have its basis in God, but in previous pagan beliefs.
"The idea that God could be so unjust as to hold myself and everyone else responsible for the sins of others who died thousands of years before me just seemed so unjust. I had a basic concept of God, and the idea He could be so unjust to do such a thing just did not sit well with me."
The other issue that I had always struggle with was the concept of original sin. The idea that God could be so unjust as to hold myself and everyone else responsible for the sins of others who died thousands of years before me just seemed so unjust. I had a basic concept of God, and the idea He could be so unjust to do such a thing just did not sit well with me. It always seemed to me that Christians just didn't have the answer to these questions, and if they did, their answers just reinforced these unjust positions. I looked to Judaism, but that religion offered more questions than answers as well. Their attitude towards the prophets, peace be upon them all, was disgraceful. Their religious texts accused these greatest of men of the most terrible crimes and I refused to believe God would pick such men to lead his people on earth. If Judaism held such beliefs how could I look to them for guidance?
It seemed clear that Islam had all of the answers. It cleared up the confusion of the lie of the trinity, and asserted Jesus' (pbuh) true role as a prophet, and not the son of God. Islam revered all of the prophets, peace and blessings of God be upon them, and recognized them for the great people they were. In Islam, and the values it promotes, I saw the answer to my problems and questions, and the future of mankind. The issue was to now try to implement Islam in my life.
I have said before, I had married a woman who came from the same background as I did. She didn't have an easy time dealing with my interest in this subject, whether it be Islam or Middle Eastern politics. I knew the way I needed to change my life to start living in a proper manner was going to cause us serious issues. It eventually came to the point where I would be unable to practice my new found religion and stay married to this lady, so we split up. Before I left England I went with a young Lebanese man I had met to London where I said my Shahada in a mosque there.
When I left my ex wife I was forced to leave England. I would have loved to have stayed there because the opportunity to learn about my new found religion there would have been great, but Alhamdulillah, I was to learn later why God chose this turn of events for me. I quickly got a job working for the US government in Alaska. Of course there is not much in the way of a Muslim community in Alaska, and what there is is centered in Anchorage and Fairbanks. I was working hundreds of miles from either of these cities, so I took the opportunity to continue reading and searching out information concerning Islam the best I could, from the internet and other sources.
I traveled from time to time to the Washington DC area for business. I made friends here within the Muslim community. At this point I had been thinking about getting married. I had been divorced for several years and I knew that one of the main ways to fulfill your deen is marriage. I was a bit worried about this, being a convert. I know that many Muslims come from ethnic backgrounds that would not be too welcoming of a white American convert for their daughter. This was compounded further because I had tattoos that I had gotten as a teenager, and I was very uncertain that I would find a Muslim woman and her family that would accept me.
A new friend of mine said that he knew of a sister that was looking to get married as well, so he asked her if it was okay to give me her number. I tried to call her when I first got home, but she wasn't there so I left message. So the next day I called her back and we talked for hours. We exchanged e-mail addresses and for the next three days we talked for dozens of hours. We hardly slept those first three days. I got so little sleep I found myself falling asleep at work. We talked about all of the important things that we would need to know to make a successful marriage work.
It was clear from the beginning that we had a lot in common, and that it all centered around our devotion to our faith and to God. I had this feeling that she was meant for me. She was such a good God fearing Muslim woman and she had so much she could teach me about the religion. Not only could she teach me religion, but she could help me with Arabic, as she is a native speaker. We talked on the phone and via e-mail for several months.
Talking and e-mails were wonderful, but we both knew that we had to meet each other face to face to see if the connection we had would transfer face to face. Always keeping God and our religion in mind we wanted to make sure we did everything Halal and in the proper manner. We decided, with the permission of her family, that I would visit during Ramadan of that year to join the family for dinner and the breaking of the fast. I was very nervous, and I think I had a right to be. There is one bit of information I have left out here and after I say this you will understand my nerves, my wife and her family are from Saudi Arabia, both parents were born in Makkah. My earlier fear of the cultural issues that any prospective wife and her family might have with me were compounded about 100% by this fact.
Trusting in God, and having a lump in my throat, I set off to meet this wonderful woman and what I supposed to be her intimidating family. I arrived in DC right before sundown and collected my bags and waited for a taxi. When it was my turn for a taxi I jumped in. The taxi driver was wearing a red and white checkered gutra, or Arabic headress. When I got into the taxi I greeted him with "Asalaamu Alaykum" and he returned the greeting. The sun had gone down and he was just breaking his fast with a date, he asked if I was fasting, and when I replied in the positive, he offered me one of his own dates to break my fast. It turned out this nice older gentleman was originally from Afghanistan. I saw this is a very positive sign.
After dropping off my luggage at my hotel I proceeded to the family's house with a traditional gift of dates and incense in hand. As I got out of the taxi and started walking up to the door I just said "Bismillah" to myself and knew God would choose the best for me. All sorts of scenarios played through my mind. She would like me, but the family would hate me. The family wouldn't mind, but she would be indifferent. What if they liked me and I didn't like them? The 20 feet from the curb to the door seemed to be miles. Finally I got to the door and rang the bell.
What seemed to be a dozen people answered the door, family elders, people my age, sisters, sons, daughters, and family friends. I was warmly welcomed and asked to come into the house. After I entered I was asked to take off my shoes and join the family in the meal they had made for me. It turned out, Alhamdulillah, that I need not have been worried. The family and I took to each other instantly. In talking during the dinner and after it was clear that the nice young lady and I had a connection that transcended the miles and the phone line.
I came back to the DC area that January where we were married in front of friends and family. We took a nice honeymoon, and then I had to return to my work in Alaska which was not to finish until the end of April. When it finished I moved to the DC area where I took up a job with a division of my company here. I have been here almost two years now.
It is amazing, Subhan'Allah, how God led me from disbelief in a home filled with hate, and guided me to Him. At first glance it might seem that in my childhood house I couldn't have been farther from Allah, but I would argue that wasn't the case. Allah was always there looking out for me, He directed me through some dangerous and bad times to become the man and the Muslim that I am today.
People say that miracles do not happen today, but I would contend that my story proves them wrong.
Terus sebarkan islam dan ajarkan islam secara kaffah
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